Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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