I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
