A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
