WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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