He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
