Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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