We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
