so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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