WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
