Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
