Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
