Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Pants are for mortals
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
