i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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