sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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