I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
