his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
