Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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