So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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