mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
