apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
