I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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