how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
