I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
