Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
