Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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