My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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