When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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