dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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