By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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