I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
