He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
