Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
