What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
