no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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