Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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