There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
