Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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