We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
