there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
