shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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