He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
