I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
