man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
