everyone is single if you try hard enough
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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