But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
