Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
