I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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