I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
