Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
