Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
