She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
