Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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